


This is Kind of Fucked Up

by orphan_account



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: M/M, Self Harm, Self Loathing, Voyeurism, onesided harushin, persona 4 au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-03 08:51:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1738622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruka was snapped out of his thoughts by a unsettling voice (unsettling, and familiar. it was Shintaro’s voice, and yet it sounded wrong, almost as if it were being distorted). “Hello there, viewers! Thanks for tuning in. We’ve got some fun planned for tonight’s show… I’m sure we’ll all enjoy it!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is Kind of Fucked Up

**Author's Note:**

> persona 4 au!! so shinshin + his shadow  
> fun times
> 
> cross posted from my tumblr narcissistic-sassafras

Haruka awoke to the absolutely dreaded sound of a blaring alarm clock. There was a brief moment of confusion as he got out of bed to get ready for the day, only to realize it was pitch black out; then he remembered that he had set his alarm to 11:58 p.m. and that it was indeed raining, just as the weather forecast had predicted earlier. Of course! It was almost time for the Midnight Channel to come on.

Everyone at school knew about, or had at least heard about, the Midnight Channel, but no one actually knew what it was (supposedly. sometimes Haruka got the feeling that some of his friends knew more than they let on). Haruka had his theories, but ultimately the phenomenon remained an enigma. One thing he did know was that it definitely didn’t show one’s soul mate, since everyone saw the exact same thing when they watched it. And lately the images it had been showing had been… worrisome. The last person that showed up on the Channel had appeared to be in pain, and then their body had been discovered only a few days afterward. And the other day, Haruka could have sworn the fuzzy outline on his TV screen was that of his friend ( _crush_ ) Shintaro. So it was with understandable worry and trepidation that he sat in front of his TV and waited for that last minute to pass, and the Midnight Channel to air.

As soon as the clock changed to midnight, the TV made the familiar noise as images began to appear on the screen. But this time, it was very different. There was no fuzzy outline, no blurry indistinct shapes moving across the screen. No, this time the picture was sharp and focused, and two figures could be seen with perfect clarity. The first figure Haruka instantly recognized as Shintaro. And the second one, the second one was…

Who was the second person? They looked exactly like Shintaro, and even had the same clothing (minus the trademark red jacket), but their eyes were bright yellow and something about their demeanor seemed… off. Who was this person, and why were they with Shintaro? More importantly, why was Shintaro on the Midnight Channel? Did this mean he was in danger? Where was he, even? The surroundings didn’t look familiar. He appeared to be in some kind of room, but it wasn’t one Haruka had ever seen before, and the amount of sharp objects in the area combined with what appeared to be blood stains on the walls made Haruka feel very uneasy and slightly sick.

He fumbled around for his phone, sending a quick worried text to Shintaro. A part of him was hoping that Shintaro wasn’t actually in that strange place, that the person on screen was a fake or some high tech illusory effect, and that his kouhai was safely inside his own home. (The other part of him remembered Ayano’s lifeless body dangling from the antenna, and imagined Shintaro in her place.)

Haruka was snapped out of his thoughts by a unsettling voice (unsettling, and familiar. it was Shintaro’s voice, and yet it sounded wrong, almost as if it were being distorted). “Hello there, viewers! Thanks for tuning in. We’ve got some _fun_ planned for tonight’s show… I’m sure we’ll all enjoy it!” The stranger, who was looking less and yet more like Shintaro by the second, had stepped forward into the middle of the screen. Something about his voice sent shivers down Haruka’s spine; aside from the eerie resemblance to Shintaro’s voice and the warped distortion, the stranger sounded entirely too pleased with himself (and yet there was a biting edge to it as well, as if he were at the same time entirely displeased with himself, and something about it reminds Haruka even more of Shintaro).

“As I’m _sure_ you all know, my name is Shintaro Kisaragi. And I’m here today with none other than… myself!” The mystery person (Shin? there was no way that was actually Shintaro, Shintaro was right there, there couldn’t be two of him) kneeled down beside the sitting Shintaro and grabbed a fistful of his hair, forcing him to turn and look directly at the screen.

In his earlier panic, Haruka hadn’t actually taken the time to really look at his friend. It was only now that he noticed Shintaro’s hands had been bound tightly behind his back and a gag had been shoved in his mouth. There was a clear view of his expression now, too. He looked scared, and Haruka felt an ache in his chest at the sight. 

The fake Kisaragi released the other boy and briefly examined the ground before picking up a pair of bright red scissors. “These should do nicely. I have a pair just like this at home. Sometimes I like to look at them and imagine how they’d feel slicing open my throat. But I can never do it. I always back out, and I hate myself for it even more. I just settle for slicing open something a little less important, usually. Like this…” He gripped the scissors around the handle and stabbed it down into Shintaro’s upper thigh, then forced them open. Shintaro let out a muffled scream and shook his head furiously (was he trying to tell him to stop? or was he trying to deny what he said?). Haruka gasped in horror, hands automatically moving to cover his mouth. What the hell was going on here? 

The fake laughed, seemingly enjoying Shintaro’s pain. “Doesn’t that feel good? Don’t you feel alive?” His gleeful expression abruptly shifted to one of disgust. “Isn’t it pathetic? I have to hurt myself just to so I can feel again. And after the adrenaline fades I’m left with nothing but scars and blood stains. It’s so _useless_ ,” he hissed, yanking out the scissors and this time driving them into Shintaro’s other leg, “and in the end it doesn’t accomplish anything, but I can’t stop. Maybe one day I’ll get lucky and cut so deep I bleed out.” Shintaro screamed again, but otherwise appeared to have stopped resisting. If anything, he seemed resigned, like he had accepted what was happening. (How could he be okay with this? That stranger was hurting him and saying such awful things in his name. Haruka felt sick.)

“…But, I suppose that day is not today. There are more important things to do, here. Hey, I wonder if my friends are watching? I bet they are.” His expression shifted again, back to the wide, gleeful smile, the look in his eyes a mixture of delight and something uglier that Haruka couldn’t quite identify. The older boy could feel sickening dread festering in the pit of his stomach. Whatever this person had planned for Shintaro, it couldn’t be good. (Why couldn’t he do anything? Haruka felt frustrated and useless, just sitting here like this. But what _could_ he do?)

“You know, I keep it to myself, but there’s always some small part of me hoping that someone will notice. Hoping that someone, anyone, will notice what I’ve been doing to myself and help me. Isn’t that pitiful? I know I don’t deserve help, I don’t deserve any sort of kindness from anyone, and yet that little hope remains. It’s disgusting, how someone as vile as me can think that.” The fake Shintaro was rambling to himself now, scissors tossed aside and forgotten. “But of course they don’t notice, they never do. I don’t even think they realize how pathetic and despicable I am. That’s why… I’m going to show them. I’m going to show them _all_ , the whole damn town…” His words trailed off in a laugh, desperate and borderline hysterical. The dread Haruka felt multiplied tenfold as the fake leaned in closer to Shintaro, until their noses were practically touching. 

And then all of the emotions swirling inside him ground to an abrupt halt as the yellow eyed stranger dipped his head and began pressing hungry kisses to the side of Shintaro’s neck, stopping to bite and suck at random intervals. Although he had appeared resigned before, Shintaro definitely wasn’t okay with this; he was shaking his head again, making muffled noises of protest as he strained against his bonds. 

It wasn’t until the fake moved on to the other boy’s upper chest, lifting his shirt to ravish the skin underneath, that Haruka snapped out of his stunned reverie. Alarm and embarrassment swept over him as what he was witnessing finally dawned on him. This was… wrong. This was wrong and disgusting and he shouldn’t watch, he really shouldn’t, but what kind of friend would he be if he just ignored this, and tried to pretend it wasn’t happening? What if Shintaro got seriously injured? (But of course, he couldn’t do anything. And try as he might, he couldn’t deny the small voice in his mind telling him he wanted to see this, he wanted to see Shintaro this way. He looked beautiful, now, his pants and undergarments removed and thrown aside, hips bucking instinctively into the hand around his cock even as tears stained his face. Haruka wondered how those tears might taste.)

The fake was pumping him at a frenzied pace now, and Shintaro was close, Haruka could tell, but he pulled his hand away at the last minute, muttering “No, not like this… It has to be more. Perhaps like this?”. He stuck his fingers in his mouth and sucked. Haruka felt a jolt. Surely he didn’t mean to…? His fears were confirmed when the other pushed Shintaro onto his back and forced his legs apart, removing his fingers with a wet pop and moving to push them inside the other boy. (He should look away, he should stop watching. Shintaro definitely wouldn’t want him to see this, and it wasn’t as if he still held any hope of being able to help the younger boy. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to turn away, and he realized with a flash of shame that he had become fully erect.)

Despite the voice telling him to stop, he found his hand wandering downward, slipping into his pants and wrapping around his erection just as the fake thrust into Shintaro, making him scream into the gag. He started to stroke himself, watching in ashamed arousal as Shintaro arched his back, muffled moans tapering off into sobs and then back into groans as the other boy started to move faster and harder, pumping Shintaro in time with his thrusts. 

It took an embarrassingly short amount of time for Haruka to come, spilling into his hand with a quiet groan. He couldn’t quite bring himself to look back up again, staring off to the side as the yellowed eyed Shintaro continued to fuck the other boy (himself?), before eventually finishing inside of Shintaro with a tired laugh. 

“Yes… that should work…” he was muttering to himself again. Haruka worked up the courage to look back up at the screen, and immediately regretted it upon seeing Shintaro, eyes glazed and chest heaving, covered in bruises and bite marks, semen staining his shirt and leaking out his entrance. He hastily averted his eyes.

“Hmm… Well, I think we’re done here. Thanks for tuning in.” And just as suddenly as it had appeared, the Midnight Channel cut off, leaving Haruka alone in the dark with his worry and his shame.


End file.
